To an Old Friend

"Hello old friend. How is our 'man of one million dollars'? Is your bionic bladder, heart, kidneys doing alright?"
"What is that?" you try to enunciate through the tubes in your nostrils. I look over all these big machines hooked up to you, and here I am holding the little device that will save you in one hand. It's still in an experimental phase, hardly made it past the prototype: extremely expensive, but it's an investment that goes to a noble cause.
"A biocomputer." Instead of just circuits, it's got lots and lots of tiny tubes inside, serving the dual purpose of analysing samples and synthesising drugs. It'll collect the data on every chemical reaction in your body, and send it to a cloud supercomputer to calculate its balance and feed that data back into your body in the form of a drug, correcting the dosage of this or that chemical.
You stare at me with glazed eyes.
"You really let yourself go. You didn't know better. You just kept losing yourself only in your dreams and hardly even noticed you had a body. You don't know how to use it, how to take care of it. You don't have the software. It was given to you, shoved into your arms, before you even knew what it was, let alone how to use it."
"Here, take this!" God said, as it gave you your body. "I've gotta go now."
"What is it?" you asked.
"I don't know," God said, "I don't know what I'm doing. How is anyone supposed to know what an infinite entity like me is doing, even me? I'm per definition beyond my own understanding, because being infinite I cannot contain myself. Do you even understand yourself or why you do the things you do? And you're that much more simple! It just kinda happened. Actually I was just here hanging out, you know, around in all matter, just minding my own business, but it was such a hustle down there that on my way to cleaning things up, minimising my environmental footprint, I just kept tripping over all the quantum waves (those things are everywhere!) and the ripples spread to create a domino effect. And, well, naturally I don't want to interfere with the course of nature, but I already did! So now I tried to set it right, reverse the damage, but it's like trying to wipe out your own footprints, and I just ended up sculpting a new landscape. I assure you I'm a most reluctant creator, doing no better than you!"
So you blink and ask,
"So what does that have to do with anything?" It replies, "Nothing, everything, it's just that, you see, when I was rebuilding myself in these and these particles like this, I didn't yet know it made such and such patterns, and it made this process more likely to happen and… after a billion to the billionth power years it made things the way they are for you now."
"What? That's it? You stepped on a butterfly a decillion years ago?"
"Never mind. You know what, in the short run it didn't make that much of a difference, you'd be something else entirely but you'd still be asking 'what am I supposed to do with this?' You'd never be satisfied, so I just keep my hands off. I don't want to interfere, you know, except that I am basically the universe, so whether actively or passively, I at least let the universe happen and let it create you, and I was aware of every detail of every step of the way, as much as you would be aware of walking down the street and yet infinitely more so, and yet it wasn't really my doing… the universe to me is like a body that acts on its own, like I'm dissociated, in a dance, a trance, and I don't really know why I move this way or that except that it just feels good: I don't have any particular reason for putting my feet here or there — I'm not going anywhere, after all. When your universe is infinite, you never get closer to the edge of the dance floor anyway. Either way, what I'm trying to say is, however things might happen to be different because of my being there, they all have my blessing to do as they will."
"You know, when you talk like that, and I look around me and see how ordinary everything is, I can't connect the two and just think you could've done so much better. Maybe you don't even exist yet. Maybe we're the first intelligent species in the universe, and there's something about the mathematics of infinity that I just don't get: can there be a beginning to infinity?"
"There you go again. See? You're making the same mistake. You're dreaming your way out of your languishing body, and who am I to stop you? I'm merely the whole universe, but I am not you, and even the entire universe can't force you to be anything but what you are. It's up to you to choose what that will be. I rest my case."
"So what happens now?"
"Hey, wake up! Are you feeling alright? You fell asleep there for a little while. Must be the rush of endorphins. The server told me your first calibration's up to date. You're still here and you'll still need to be here, with these tubes up your nose, but I can tell from that spark in your eyes that you'll be alright."