Nihilitarianism

Dream: I was in a windowless, narrow office room that looked like a cybercafé, two row of small cubicles for computers, open to one side. The supervisors, members of the totalitarian communist party, showed me around, saying the citizens had everything they needed in their cubicle: books, music, films. Then it was my turn to show him around to my society. We walked further down the hall until it turned into weathered concrete and opened onto a view of the ocean. Further down the hall we were on the beach, and futuristic arcologies lined the beach, all with diagonally sloping walls. The supervisors were impressed when I told them about all the freedom we have here. I noticed they had tattoos like in the series Vikings and Floki was among them.

Analysis: The day before, S told me about the scene from Vikings were Floki says "I feel trapped in all this happiness. You're being too reasonable, Helga, you're not helping. You're so horribly good." When she brought it up, I (mis)understood "Floki makes me happy", thinking it was because she liked him because she could relate to him. Last time I saw her, S said she was sympathetic to the Belgian communist party, so Floki is a substitution for S. S said that she felt tired and couldn't get anything done because there was always so much pressing on her mind, and that's the feeling Gent gave me too: even if she's happy to be in Gent, she feels trapped, just like Floki, because whatever's to do there is fed to her. Most of the time I didn't like being in Gent yesterday, and I missed the open space of the sea in Ostend. The city in the dream looked like a futuristic version of Ostend. The dream means I want to introduce S to a better environment. Ostend has the peacefulness S needs, but it doesn't have the dynamism of Gent: in my dream, Ostend is not only more dynamic than Gent but as dynamic as my utopian visions. Yesterday, like most days, I was dreaming of my intentional community becoming an example that the rest of the world would follow, so that I, too, could be happy anywhere all over the world, with S or anyone else.