I fell just as deeply in love last year and the rejection made me stronger. But this time it came with a world-shattering paradigm shift. I realised I can't tell when people are genuine or not, or what that even means. Or if anyone ever is. Maybe all we feel is just an illusion and nothing is true. Someone I talked to about this said "love is just a projection." It wouldn't have hit so hard if she hadn't said it felt perfect and really seemed to mean it. She gave more convincing signs of love than anyone ever had and it was all meaningless and crumbled after a few weeks. So no matter what anyone will ever say or do, I can never again believe they care. No one does. They only want me when I have something to give them, and at the first moment of weakness they will drop me. I don't care about that, so why should I care about anything at all? It seems like life is a solipsistic nightmare and other people are only any good for me to be used. But I have no use of them if they're not real. I've reached the edge of the simulation.
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