Something in the exact pattern of gas clouds in the stellar nebulae from which we formed determined the level of complexity which our solar system would take on, without which our world wouldn't have reached its level of complexity either… so on some level that complexity must've already been there. That nebula must've been a sight to behold.

Demo

2-minute draft, demonstrating to a friend how quickly I could make something with Photoshop.

Psychic Detox

Faint

I look up from the bottom of a well,

Seeing but a circle of stars.

Beyond my eyes a vast space,

Withdraws me from their gaze.

Poisoned Flower

In a social species like our own, one of the most important qualities for a male to reproduce is to remain invested in a female no matter what it takes, and as those qualities are passed on to the next generation and half of those will be male, the female will try to gauge his mental strength by pushing him just to breaking point and then trying to reconcile. Men and women among themselves, meanwhile, try to gauge their own mental strength against each other and form a pecking order accordingly. This is why sexuals can never achieve a genuine connection with each other: there is always an unconscious dissemblance, a struggle for control, to be one step ahead of the other, to be above the other. But we also live in a world where genuine connection becomes more and more important. Perhaps the mind can adapt. Demisexuals should be a role model for couples; sexuality should be based entirely on affection, empathy, connection, friendship, not on power, control, vanity, possession.

Dreams

Russian girl dropped off by mother to Couchsurf. She needed something to write a letter, but didn’t know the word, whether it was a laptop or paper. I gave them paper and saw that I’d written a lot about Game of Thrones, in which Tyrion was stuck doubting on an icy mountain.

A boy of five was travelling the world, came to Couchsurf. I thought he was a 15 year old dwarf. He was very intelligent for his age. Jealousy, admiration, sense of inferiority, lost chances.

Middle ages. Bladder removed. According to priestess, it must be burned in fire on top of moving water while I am holding it to be purified before it can be placed back in. Other organs of mine were in a barrel. Chinese lanterns on a wire on a tree had some sort of significance to me. A parade enacted a religious show before my cleansing interrupted it, but then it became part of it. Linda had gone through such cleansing as well, on a pyre in a pond. I took my bladder to try and get ready for the cleansing, but didn’t see how I could place it back into my body since there is no cut in my torso. I try to press through my belly, seeing if I can quantum phase through it somehow. I wonder how it came out and ended up in the barrel in the first place.

Quantum Foam

Launch

Meditation: Brain Halves

During a meditation I reflected on split brain patients and how only our left brain can speak and only our right brain can process expression of emotion, meaning that the voice is my head is my left brain's, and the visuals I see are my right brain's. So that when I think something in words, I do not speak for the entire brain, and it's only the left brain speaking for itself. If it does speak for the right brain, it may be wrong. So in my meditation, "I", meaning the left brain, declared its loyalty to the right brain. The left is analytical and the right is holistic, and I visualised the analytical as something detailed that's contained in something vast, like a tree reaching into the sky, or a penis in a vagina. I reflected on the masculinity of the left brain and the femininity of the right.

The universe comes in through a chink in my cavern. I dig when I see light, but it was but a glimmer.

Creativity: an inverted destruction, the art of destroying with finesse.

Oh, 'tis vanity, 'tis vanity that makes the world go round.

I want to suck all illusion out of you until only the empty blackness of outer space remains, dead, sterile, clean, and we float like spirits across the void until we find a more habitable planet than this filthy wasteland.

Dispense With

Violence Against Reality Drafts

Demisexual

When joining a Romantics meetup group:

"I've felt a deep longing for a soulmate since I was 13. At the time I didn't even understand these feelings, but I think they were largely inspired by Romanticism including 19th century.  I think the Romantics have been really underestimated and that they were as enlightened as the Tantras or Daoists: I see Romanticism as the union of sexuality and spirituality in which the lover becomes like an embodiment of nature and the other way around. Not that I hope to find my soulmate here… if anything, I hope to have somewhere to share that longing with people who understand it. It becomes unbearable to feel this longing for so long without ever having it fulfilled."

When joining a polyamory meetup group:

I'm not looking for a casual relationship myself. I'm a romantic and what attracts me most about polyamory is its self-surrender: the depth of being fully in the moment and realising that nothing is under our control.

When joining an asexuality facebook group:

Hi. I hope I fit in here, because I might be the odd one out even here: I'm demisexual. There's only been one woman in my life that I ever wanted to have sex with. It's not erectile dysfunction: my entire body remains unresponsive (no change in breath, pulse, perspiration etc). My sexuality is actually as strong as anyone else's but I'm not attracted to anyone. My sexuality is inseparable from my spirituality and without a spiritual connection I can't have a sexual connection. I feel like I'm in love with someone I've never met. I don't want to be this way. I'd like to be in love with everyone.
(…)
I'm not healthy. You know how in the Victorian era, when a lot of people were very repressed, hysteria made up the majority of mental illnesses? Once they could express it, they got better. But what if there's no way you can express it? What if it's something so deep inside you that it's inexpressible — to anyone who doesn't reach just as deep inside your soul? Every time I fall in love they're just scared off by the intensity, and because it happens so rarely it takes years to get over it. I'm even starting to have trouble masturbating, because the reality of how shallow people are has hit me so hard that I can no longer even fantasise.
(…)
I don't think desire has anything to do with expectations, it's just something that bubbles up from our instincts, and we can't help what we desire anymore than a homosexual can. I know it's not about sex, because if it were, I'd be aroused much more easily and wouldn't be put off so easily. I think sexuality is something far more abstract and that it affects all aspects of our behaviour. When I'm not in love I'm essentially like a child.