Nihilitarianism

In the dream sequences of To Hold Infinity, I want to combine elements such as the simulations in SOMA, the drug experiences in The Doors of Perception and the stream of consciousness of Anais Nin. The transhumans are basically testing the human desires and emotions by letting them come to expression from the deepest depths of their unconscious. It's supposed to be surreal and yet meaningful, and above all mystical. There must be a total sense of abandon to the sort of desires that transhumans are above, but which are still interesting — it's basically a way to dumb down the story to a level that I can actually write comfortably, since I can't really imagine what gods would live like all that well: basically, I feel constrained when writing about their perspective because I want and need it to be perfect. If they're just performing thought experiments with imaginary human dream characters, that's a compromise that allows more possibilities for writing, including writing about imperfect things: I want to be able to write about everything in a way that's both free like surrealism, and meaningful like science fiction. I could streamline the concept a bit more, I think: I want to be able to interchange between the perspective of humans and transhumans seamlessly, and for that I need the humans to mean something to the transhumans, to involve them somehow. I think of a way how: the transhumans are drawn to the most intense human emotions, and all of our most intense emotions involve a call to the gods, to beg either to escape from it or to make it last forever. That's where we're confronted with the transhumans' own conflict about whether or not to interfere, or however they feel about it. It's a one-way dialogue between humans and gods in which the gods imagine talking back but cannot allow themselves to speak. The dream scenes may only acquire particular significance after I've had the transhumans observe the humans in daily life, but I need to finish the night segment first. In the first dream, then, I suppose it'll be very personal to the protagonist transhuman, who has only just changed from human into transhuman. That's why it's fitting that the dream of the human mirrors that of himself, with a human waking up not knowing what happened, and being told that he can do anything… but I have to remember to keep it surreal, to give my expression free rein, because the whole point is symbolism and wish-fulfillment and expression… release, in a transcendental, ecstatic way. I need to connect with my deepest longings, and not necessarily imagine cheap fulfillments of them but put them into poetic, contemplative perspectives and dialogues with the gods. The humans, obviously, will be mystics, people who imagine themselves talking to transhumans. I could be one of them, so obviously this should be very personal, and I will therefore imagine the first human the transhumans create in their imagination to have my appearance… his thoughts and feelings will be a reflection of my own search. Basically all I need to do is imagine myself in that situation. But it should be a symbolization of the transhumans' own state of mind, and that's why it should be so surreal — as an actual human would be too primitive, in fact, a transhuman is often having a hard time having a body.
None of this feels right — why should they care about their relationship to humans? It might be what they they do as a hobby, like a nature documentary, but not what lives most deeply inside of them. They themselves feel desires to contemplate — they're just mysterious, since those are the only desires that they can't instantly satisfy, the desires that they don't know yet, that require deep contemplation to be drawn out cathartically. Of course that should be able to involve any symbol, including humans, just as our dreams can include animals and animals are indeed very symbolic in their value, signifying different aspects of life whereas humans in all aspects are somewhere in the middle as universal adaptors, so that we need animals as symbols in our dreams, a role which humans can't satisfy. But why am I even explaining all this? Isn't the whole point of a dream sequence that it's implied that anything is possible? But I don't think that's enough: it's not enough for everything to just merely happen without reason, I want it to have all the possibility of a dream but also all the significance of reality, and that's why I explain how the dream flows together in real time from perceptions from all over the universe, in order to create not just an illusion, but an entirely new universe, as complex as reality, like an infinitely detailed saga — that's the desire of the transhuman that's being fulfilled, the first expression in his dream, to contemplate the unification of all things within the dream.