Nihilitarianism

I'm really sorry that I can't make my story "To Hold Infinity" more accessible. I am trying SO hard to simplify it, to explain it as fully as possible with as few words as possible, but even so it becomes very complex. I'd want to make it easy enough for anyone to read, but I wouldn't be surprised if even I wouldn't understand it if I hadn't written it. I'd be very thankful to anyone who could help me to simplify it, without bowdlerizing it. Comment if there's anything you don't understand, and I'll try to explain it. This is hard material because there's so little narrative, and every bit of narrative is supercharged with significance that takes a lot of exposition to build up. How otherwise can we try to imagine a world of transhumans, of gods? The concept is beyond our understanding, and every most ordinary moment of their existence takes a lot of effort to imagine. There are so many threads of thought that occur to me at the same time, things I've been thinking about for many years, and it takes forever to spin them all together — I'm not sure if the result isn't just a tangled mess.