Nihilitarianism

During my major depression in 2007 I was having just a few symptoms of psychotic depression, and used my increased suggestibility caused by this to feel better in flights of fancy. One of the most powerful was that of being held by a presence, perhaps a guardian angel, a soulmate, or something else: I didn't care to try to put a finger on what kind of presence, as I knew it was just a feeling and I was happy to leave it at that. and in the state I was in, it was so vivid that it really helped me. I'm no longer susceptible to such suggestions and part of me regrets that, but I guess the reason I can't feel this anymore is because the suggestion has already been made and is already finalized: the entity I imagined was a part of myself, perhaps my own anima, and when I more fully integrated it then, it gave me a strength that is still with me to this day. It's pointless to try to go back to the past to experience that transition all over again, to take the stairs back just to use the escalators again. Now it's my turn to pass on that strength to others, to embody that unconditional love archetyped as a guardian angel.